It is an hour and a half past Andrew's bedtime. He is currently in manic rage of a tantrum screaming, kicking the door and weeping, whaling and gashing his little teeth. It's been like this most of the week. Here is the typical scenario:
7:15-8:00--Shower time, getting ready for bed in the normal routine (brush teeth, put on pj's read a story and sing a song)All seems well. I kiss him goodnight, tuck him in and then leave the room.
8:05--Andrew decides he wants another story or one more song or for mommy to lie down next to him, or for some juice or for some water, or a hug, etc, etc.
8:20--Sensing his whining becoming more frantic, I come back in and calmly tell him no, it's time for bed. Blow him kisses and then say goodnight.
Trust me, I am his mother, I know he understands I mean it.
8:21--Doesn't like that it's time for bed so the throw down begins.
8:22-Way past bedtime and way past mommy's patience--Still screaming, still kicking the door, still out of bed...it's been going on for ages. I still ignore him. Trust me, this tantrum phase has been going on multiple times a day for a few months now and I've learned that the best thing for this kid with his STUBBORN personality (gee...where did he get that from--MOM & DAD) is to ignore him. It will pass, sometimes it takes hours, yes HOURS but it will pass.
So...we wait.
It's now 9:45 he has finally stopped crying. I go in to check on him and see that he fell asleep on the floor amongst a wreckage of Dr. Seuss, stuffed animals, clothes and bits of broken chalk. It looks like his room was hit by Hurricane Andrew. It was.
I just cleaned organized his room perfectly, yesterday. Oh well...
I carefully pick him up and put him back in bed.
Ahhhh....peace and quiet...finally. I go in to talk to my MR. up until this moment our evening has been spent in agitation with ears plugged. Think that it might be nice to get some uninterrupted adult conversation going....but it's late now and Mike and I are tired. So tired!
Sigh
It's 10 pm and Mike has to leave for University by 6am. This means it's now our bedtime. We brush our teeth, take necessary showers then hop in bed and turn off the lights.
SNORE
6am--I make Mike lunch and he heads off for Uni.I go back to bed to read some scriptures and maybe get an extra snore in.
6:15-630am--I wake up to hear knocking on the door. Andrew is up and happy and ready for the day. Mommy is not as happy but feels better and gets up to really begin the day.
Most of the day goes great. Andrew really IS a cute kid and I really DO love being his mom. BUT...there was the 1/2 hour tantrum when I told him it was time to turn off the cartoons and the hour tantrum when I took away his toy car after he threw it against the TV (after I had warned him not to). There was the mini-tantrum when I took him to the shop and he didn't want my help to open the door and the major tantrum at nap time when he would not willingly let me change his poopy nappy (diaper). Then we are back to bedtime. You get the idea.
I calculate that out of the 11 hours he is awake in a 24 hour time period, he has spent close to four of those hours in a rage. Hmmph...not so cool.
Some days are better than this, some days are worse. But this scenario has been pretty typical lately. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't have answers...I don't know what else to try and I really don't like him when he is like this. I genuinely DON'T, like super annoyed and sick of the kid. Makes me feel like a horrible mother. BUT...I do know that I'm not horrible, I do know that it's just part of parenthood and that every kid has something...right now my kids thing is tantrums, I do know it will pass and I do know that my attitude plays a huge part in having success.
So...I am trying to suck it up. I mean really trying to suck it up and have a good attitude. It's hard, daaang hard sometimes, I just want to wallow and mourn the loss of my sweet little pre-tantrum boy and my freedom. Sometimes I do, but I don't let it last long. I keep reminding myself that this is parenthood. I wanted this, I mean REALLY wanted this and I was lucky enough to get it. I laugh when I think about how I used to view motherhood as this beautiful mormon-ad with predictable ups and downs. But then I'm humbled to remember that the sweet moments are so much more meaningful than a fluffy portrayal of someone else's ideal and that they are so much more frequent. Although it may not always seem that way.
Ahhh...they should list parenthood as the new extreme sport. It sure feels that way sometimes with all the emotion, the adrenaline, the intensity...
But I am grateful for it. You know...I really am.
2 comments:
It is so hard when you are going thoguh this and you shouldnt ever think your a bad mother and that your alone as your right everyone does go though it. I remember when my two oldest were that age, they were sooo hard and i really though i was a bad mother. It was at that time that i joined the church and your father in law was my first bishop. Your hubby and brother were around the same ages as my two monsters. I remember seeing them many times giving your mother in law the hardest time in church while paul was up doing his bishop stuff. lol. It made me feel better, really, i had though for so long i was a bad mother as my kids were such a handful and there were the bishops kids acting the same way, lol. It really made me see things different. (And i hope my two monsters made them feel better about theres too, lol). But you know all four of them all grew up okay and my two are now fathers also. They do grow out of it, of course as parents theres always something else to deal with but you get though it all, one day at a time.
With the bed time issue, we had that also, i finally gave up and just let them stay up till ten pm, i found it was better for us to have them up wearing themselves out longer before bedtime then fighting with them every night and going though what yourve posted about. It was less stressful for them and for us. Also made them sleep in till around eight am next day too. It might not be something you want to do, but for us it was better having them being busy till late then having then acting like that every night. We never enjoyed the evenings anyway if they were screaming and having tantrums so really was better all around. At least for us. Some people might say thats bad, but like i said, they all turned out okay in the long run and served missions and are happily married with darling grandbabies for me to play with. lol. Good luck your a wonderful mother and i enjoy readin your blog.
Debbie--Oh! It's so good to hear that Mike and Matt were also little terrors when they were little! LOL I really appreciate what you said, and it's nice to hear for your perspective...things do work out and the tantrums will eventually go away!I'm so glad we are blogging friends!
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